Saturday, March 12, 2011


Lately I have been thinking about how much of human misery is caused by expectations. We paint these happy scenes in our heads -- usually involving other people -- and then get mad/upset/disappointed when those happy little scenes do not play out. Of course, we usually have not consulted the other people about what their roles are -- but that does not stop us from being upset with them. How unfair is that?! And how selfish...

I am thinking a lot lately about unexpressed expectations and disappointment -- not for any particular reason, but just because watching others -- and myself -- fascinates me.

It is so easy to get mad at another person for not being who/what we expect -- but how fair is that? It is like we have a job description in our heads for all the roles people play in our lives, and when people do not perform based on that -- well, heads will roll!

Really?! Who died and left us in charge of writing the script for the lives of others? Who made us the authority on correct behavior in all situations -- everyone knows that is Dear Abby's job!

I am challenging myself to be mindful of the reality that I do not have the right to be mad at people who do not meet my unexpressed expectations. Further, I am challenging myself to reflect on whether it is even okay to have expectations of other people, and/or what kind of expectations are okay...

And when people disappoint, which they will, maybe we need to focus more on how we imposed expectations that we should not have and our disappointment should be directed at ourselves for once again failing to honor the right of others to have different opinions/ways of doing things...

Do you think we are so busy trying to make other people behave as we want and being mad at them when they don't because that is easier than acceptance? Or maybe because if we can direct all that energy outwards, we do not have to tend to our own messy internal selves -- I suspect that is more the truth.

Tending our own emotional gardens is hard and painful work -- so much easier to point out the weeds in other places/people...

And speaking of expectations, Cadi is still being secretive about whether she is growing anything of interest but we will get the truth out of her in 13 days (but who is counting?!).

Cadi had a c-section with her last litter and I HATE c-sections for many reasons, and so I have been exploring a vaginal birth after a c-section for dogs and it seems like it is okay to do. In order to maximize the safety of the puppies and Cadi while attempting a natural birth, we have put in a reservation a service called WhelpWise; you can read about them at:

It seems a little bit like bad luck to request a whelping service before we have confirmed a pregnancy but I guess it is important to be prepared. However, I will not be putting out the call for medical helpers until after we have a confirmed pregnancy -- maybe that will balance the early reservation of WhelpWise? Well, that and the Lucky Hanukkah Socks...

I suggest you expect to have a great day!!!


  1. OMG!! that site made me feel right at home - just like "old times", but now with 4 legs and fur :)

  2. Hee hee. I think I had the human version of whelp wise for Megan and Molly! They were a human litter after all. . . .

  3. Fascinating! I was an OB nurse for 20 years and have a masters in maternal fetal nursing. I wonder what normal fetal heart rate patterns are for puppies? Do they correspond to human fetal heart rate patterns? Do fetal puppies have early, variable and late heart rate deceleration patterns? I bet they do.
    Good for you Mary-Ann for doing the best you can to ensure a healthy delivery for every puppy.

  4. Tending emotional gardens IS hard work, but just like regular gardens, we tend to reap what we plant. In my garden, I'm hoping for a bumper crop of mindfulness and a patch full of kindness. I am using lots of Miracle Gro. I've been persistently pulling the weeds of having the last word and impatience, but I must keep close watch; they can spring back up over night. Many good wishes for growing spring rains and gentle sunshine for your garden. I'll plant some good thoughts for you in mine.